Rethinking Polyvagal Theory, Part 1: Nuance, Neurodivergence, and Questioning the Western Model

If you've been following the recent discourse around Polyvagal Theory — the debates, the "debunking," the questions about scientific rigor — you might be feeling a little swirly. Maybe you're a practitioner who uses Polyvagal Theory in your work, or maybe you're a client who has benefited from it. Or maybe you want to join an SSP Group, but in light of the recent discourse, you're now spiraling and stumped and unsure.

This is Part 1 of an ongoing conversation I'm having about this publicly, because I think it deserves more than one post. I want to share a bit of how I hold Polyvagal Theory in my work, and some of my evolving thoughts about it. Part 2 is yet to come.

My Relationship with Polyvagal Theory

If you have worked with me in any capacity, we have probably talked about Polyvagal Theory. We've talked about freeze, maybe mapped your nervous system, and looked at diagrams of the Polyvagal Ladder. I've offered ways to soothe your vagus nerve.

But people who work with me — especially those doing the SSP — know that I don't offer these things as the final word on nervous system healing. I hold my teachers and these models with deep respect and critique that sometimes comes with a raised eyebrow. This includes Polyvagal Theory and Stephen Porges. Sorry, Steve.

I don't think any model I practice is complete on its own. And I think every model and modality changes shape based on how it's being offered — and whose hands are offering it.

Bending the Model to Fit Real People

In practice, this means I offer Polyvagal Theory as a model and then invite folks to bend it and change the language into what actually works for them.

One example: Polyvagal Theory describes the Ventral Vagal state — the state we're in when we don't feel under threat — as "safe and social." But I work with a lot of neurodivergent folks, and they often don't feel safe when they feel social. Or maybe they feel safe and connected, but that connection is with animals, a special interest, or nature rather than people.

You're probably getting the picture. I bring a lot of nuance to the Polyvagal model. I try to bring a lot of nuance to everything.

Questioning the Western Model of Healing

I'm also highly skeptical of the western model of certifications and scientific rigor — especially when so many of these healing practices have Indigenous roots. I'm not anti-science. But I do think that's only one part of the picture, and it's worth naming.

Who gets to decide what is valid? Who gets to decide what is true? Where are we looking for confirmation that a theory is true?

These are a few of the questions that I hold as I attempt to offer decolonized healing. Which, yes, is messy because what I practice has been colonized. It's a growing edge and work in progress for me.

Does the SSP Still Work?

This is the question I imagine many of you are sitting with. I have worked with over 100 people doing the SSP. Almost every single person has had a transformational experience. Sure, a couple of people have dropped out — I can count them on one hand with fingers to spare — and not everyone has a loud or dramatic experience. But I wouldn't still be doing this work if it didn't positively impact the people I work with.

Part of that is absolutely the SSP playlist itself, which Steven Porges designed to send auditory cues of safety to your nervous system. And part of it has to do with how I offer the SSP.

What to Look for in a Practitioner

You don't have to work with me, but here's what I'd recommend regardless of who you choose:

Find someone whose worldview goes beyond the model. Polyvagal Theory, like other models, can flatten the bigger picture and leave out the social, structural, and relational realities that make nervous system healing genuinely hard. An adept practitioner holds the model and the complexity of your actual life.

Find someone who is intentional about pacing. With the SSP specifically, offering too much safety too fast can feel confronting or even re-traumatizing to the nervous system — the opposite of what we're going for.

Find someone with a relational approach. Trauma happens within relationship, and healing does too. No matter the model.

Still on the Fence?

If you've been on the fence about joining an SSP Group — especially in light of what's coming out about Polyvagal Theory — I'd love to chat with you about it. And maybe you'll decide that you want to join an SSP Group anyways. We hold these kinds of conversations in the group too, so you won't be alone in the nuance or the skepticism.

My last two Spring SSP Groups are now enrolling, and then we're taking a break over the summer. If you don't want to wait until Fall to start your nervous system healing journey, here's what's available:

🎶 Wednesday evenings | Starting March 4th | 6:30–8:45 PM EST | 4 spaces open

🎶 Monday evenings | Starting April 6th | 6:30–8:45 PM EST | 5 spaces open

Before you join, I offer a free connection call — it's my practice to do this so your nervous system can hang out with mine for a little bit, I can answer your questions, and we can both feel into whether it's a good fit.

Apply here and we'll set up your free connection call. 🦋

This is Part 1 of an ongoing series. In Part 2, I'll go deeper into what a genuinely neurodivergent-affirming Polyvagal framework can actually look like.

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Jess Jackson is a Licensed Massage Therapist, Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner, and Safe and Sound Protocol Provider at Soft Path Healing — trauma-informed care for the world we really live in.

Is an SSP Group Right for You? You Might Recognize Yourself in This.

Over the years I've read a lot of SSP applications and had a lot of connection calls. And I've noticed that while everyone's story is unique, the themes that bring people to an SSP Group are surprisingly consistent.

People don't always have the words for what they're looking for when they first reach out. But underneath the different circumstances and histories, there's usually something recognizable. Something that sounds a lot like: I've been trying. And I'm still not quite there.

So I wanted to share the themes I hear most often — not to convince you of anything, but because you might recognize yourself in here. And if you do, that recognition is worth paying attention to. 💞

A note: what people share in applications and on connection calls stays confidential. What I'm sharing here are the patterns I've observed over time — the themes that come up again and again — not anyone's specific words.

"I've tried so many things. And I'm still stuck."

This is the most common thing I hear. People arrive at the SSP after years — sometimes decades — of doing the work. Therapy, medication, breathwork, meditation, coaching. Things that helped, but didn't quite get all the way there. The parts that feel stuck are still stuck. The body still holds what the mind has processed a hundred times over.

If this is you — the person who has done so much work and is still searching for the thing that will reach the parts other modalities can't — you're in good company here. This is one of the most common reasons people find me.

You're not broken. You're not beyond help. You might just need something that works from the bottom up instead of the top down. The SSP works directly with the nervous system, not through the thinking mind — and for a lot of people, that's the missing piece.

"My brain knows I'm safe. My nervous system didn't get the memo."

So many folks name this exact gap — the mismatch between what they know intellectually and what their body is actually doing. They've done the cognitive work. They understand their patterns. They can name their trauma responses with impressive precision. And yet their nervous system keeps responding the same way it always has.

This is exactly what the SSP is designed to address. You don't have to think your way through it. You don't have to open the box or talk about your trauma history. The SSP works through sound — through the auditory pathway directly connected to the vagus nerve — and your nervous system responds.

For people who have spent years trying to regulate top-down, this can feel like a revelation. You can read more about how the SSP actually works over at whatisthessp.com or in my post on The SSP, Safety-Seeking and Sensing Danger.

"I want something gentler."

People are tired of pushing. Tired of healing that asks them to go into the pain, stay there, work harder. What I hear over and over is a longing for something that feels safe enough to actually land — something where they don't have to brace themselves to show up.

The SSP is gentle. I'm gentle. That's not a marketing line — it's a genuine commitment to how I hold this work. We do 10 minutes of listening at a time. We don't force anything. We follow the pace of your nervous system, not a predetermined timeline. No forced sharing, ever.

If you've been hurt by healing spaces that pushed too hard or moved too fast, I want you to know that this one is built differently. You can read more about that in 5 Ways the SSP is Trauma-Informed.

"I'm so tired of healing alone."

The isolation of trauma is its own wound. And so many people arrive at SSP Groups not just seeking nervous system support — they're seeking company in their healing. The feeling of not being the only one. Of being in a room (even a virtual one) with other people who get it.

This is one of the reasons I believe in the group model so deeply. Not just because co-regulation is real and scientifically supported — though it is — but because being witnessed in your healing, by people who understand from the inside, is its own kind of medicine.

If you've always done your healing work alone, a group can feel like a big stretch. It can also feel like exactly what's been missing.

"I want to feel at home in my body."

Underneath all the different reasons — the anxiety, the disconnection, the stuck-ness — what most people are really reaching for is the same thing. Safety. Ease. The feeling of belonging to themselves.

They want to make more sense to themselves. They want to feel present — actually here, in their body, in their life. They want rest that actually feels like rest. They want to stop bracing.

That's what we're working toward in an SSP Group, week by week, 10 minutes of listening at a time. It's quiet work. Gentle work. And it can be surprisingly profound. 💞

Do you recognize yourself in any of this?

If something landed — if you felt a little seen, or a little relieved that someone else is naming what you've been carrying — that's worth paying attention to.

You don't have to have it all figured out before you apply. You don't have to know exactly what you need or be able to articulate it perfectly. That's what the connection call is for. We'll talk, and we'll figure it out together.

Wondering whether a group or individual experience is right for you? I wrote about that here → Should I Do the SSP in a Group or Individually?

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Two groups are open right now — the only ones until Fall:

🎶 Wednesday Evening Group | Starting March 4th, 6:30–8:45 PM EST | 4 spaces open

🎶 Monday Evening Group | Starting April 6th, 6:30–8:45 PM EST | 6 spaces open

👉 Apply for an SSP Group

👉 Learn about 1:1 SSP

👉 Learn more about the SSP

Still not sure if this is for you? Reach out — I'm here. 🦋

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Jess Jackson (she/they) is a trauma-informed practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP), and SSP provider at Soft Path Healing, based in Midcoast Maine and working virtually with clients across the globe.

Should I Do the SSP in a Group or Individually?

This question comes up a lot: "Should I do the SSP in a group or individually?"

If you've been wondering the same thing, this is for you.

I've been leading SSP Groups and individual experiences for a few years now, and I've had a lot of conversations with folks trying to figure out which path is right for them. What I've learned is that your answer will always be unique to you and your nervous system — but there are some patterns I keep seeing. So I wanted to share some signs that an SSP group will probably be a beautiful fit, and when it might not be.

Hopefully these words, gleaned from years of leading groups, help you hear your own answer. 💞

Not sure what the SSP even is yet? Start here → Common Misconceptions about the Safe & Sound Protocol or visit whatisthessp.com

5 reasons an SSP Group might be the right fit for you:

💞 Connection & Co-Regulation

In a group, you can experience co-regulation and collective support — and the feeling that you're not alone. Your nervous system gets to practice being in relationship with relative safety alongside others on the same SSP journey.

There's something that happens in a group container that just can't be replicated in 1:1 work. When your nervous system is in the room (even a virtual room!) with other nervous systems that are also orienting toward safety, something shifts. You're not doing this alone, and your body knows it.

💰 More Affordable than 1:1 SSP

The group model makes this healing work more accessible. You get the full SSP experience for way less than a 1:1 container — think of it like community acupuncture. Same healing, different (and honestly kind of magical) container.

And groups aren't overwhelming — it's a cozy gathering of 4-6 folks. Not a big room full of strangers. A small handful of people finding their way toward safety together.

📅 13-Week Steady Structure with Weekly Sessions

We move through the SSP together over 13 weeks, which offers a clear container (with flexibility, of course!). Group members often report feeling anchored by our weekly time together — like having something steady to come back to, no matter what the week held.

If you're someone who does better with rhythm and predictability, that weekly anchor can be genuinely regulating in itself.

💬 Group Processing & Support

There's time to share about your experience and be deeply heard — if you want to. (It's also more than okay to be quiet! No forced sharing, ever.) You get to connect with folks who get what you're going through — the wins, the struggles, the "whoa that was so cool!" moments.

Being witnessed by people who are in it with you is its own kind of medicine.

🦋 You're Nervous AND Excited About Group Healing

If you're feeling a mix of nervous and excited about joining a group, that's often a good sign that you'll have a wonderful time. That particular combination — a little scared, a little brave — tends to show up when something is genuinely right for us, even if it's a stretch.

Not sure if your nervous/excited ratio is pointing toward yes? I can help you hear a clear answer on a connection call. 💞

"I'll admit it: When I'd first heard of Safe and Sound Protocol, I was… skeptical. After ten weeks of listening and several months to integrate everything, I am in disbelief over how SSP has not only helped me, but has challenged what I thought I knew about my own neurodivergence and mental health." — Sam, SSP Group Participant

1 reason a group might NOT be right for you (right now):

Sometimes, being in a group is too much for a sensitive nervous system that needs more 1:1 support. If you sense that a shared space might be more activating than supportive for you right now — that a group would ask more of your nervous system than it can comfortably offer — that's really important information, and it deserves to be honored.

This doesn't mean groups are off the table forever. It might just mean that right now, a 1:1 experience is the gentler, more supported container for where you are. And that's a completely valid answer.

You can learn more about what an individual SSP experience looks like at softpathhealing.com/ssp-individual.

Still not sure?

That's what connection calls are for. After you apply, we get on a short Zoom together and just... talk. You can ask me anything, I can share more about the SSP and how I hold groups, and we can figure out together whether a group or 1:1 is the right fit for you.

No pressure. Just a conversation.

Want to go even deeper on the group vs. individual question? I wrote a longer, more detailed version of this here → SSP Group vs. Individual: A Deeper Look.

Ready to join an SSP Group? 💫

If you're craving community and steadiness around your healing journey, I'd love to have you. And if groups feel like too much right now? That's important information too — and I'm still here to help you find the right fit.

Two groups are open right now — the only ones until Fall:

🎶 Wednesday Evening Group | Starting March 4th, 6:30–8:45 PM EST | 4 spaces open

🎶 Monday Evening Group | Starting April 6th, 6:30–8:45 PM EST | 6 spaces open

👉 Apply for an SSP Group

👉 Learn about 1:1 SSP

👉 Learn more about the SSP

Still not sure? Reach out and let me know what questions you have. I'm here to help you figure out what feels right for your nervous system. 🦋

Jess Jackson (she/they) is a trauma-informed practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP), and SSP provider at Soft Path Healing, based in Midcoast Maine and working virtually with clients across the globe.

5 Ways the SSP is Trauma-Informed

When you do the SSP with me, it’s trauma-informed. And that goes beyond a buzzword into tangible actions and practices. So if you’re wondering how LAND is trauma-informed, that’s so valid, and I want you to know these things before you begin. You deserve the kind of trauma-informed care that meets your needs and honors your nervous system and lived experience. Read on to find out a bit more about my approach.

Listening moves at the pace of your nervous system

We listen 10 minutes at a time, followed by processing & support. This way, the listening isn’t overwhelming. It’s doable and digestible, and there is time built in for integration and self-care, as well as group connection. Also, you can always listen less. I will encourage you to honor your capacity. In LAND, your NO will be celebrated as much as your YES!

Relationships grow at the pace of your nervous system

I know joining a group, and a healing group especially, can be vulnerable and tender. In LAND, we can take our time. We have 12 weeks to get to know one another. I will be nurturing connections and comfort but not rushing or forcing them. Connections can grow on your unique timeline, and that’s okay (and even encouraged!) with me.

There is no forced sharing!

Part of the group magic is witnessing other folks and bringing your experience to be witnessed. In this light, sharing is always invited and even encouraged. But I'm also here to encourage you to honor your boundaries and needs. Sometimes you might share a little, sometimes a lot, sometimes there are no words or they're just for you. That's okay! Also, voice AND chat are open for shares. I strive to be very inclusive and adaptive when it comes to sharing, and this is a place to practice showing up and sharing the right amount for you (not how much or how little you think you should share to be accepted.)

There is space for you to have the experience you need

In the SSP, you’re invited to listen to music for 10 minutes at a time. You can do whatever you'd like, and whatever feels right to you, while you listen. So you have a lot of agency and ownership over your experience. A lot of folks listen while: resting, moving, art-making, doodling, snacking, etc. You can do whatever supports your nervous system! And if you’re not sure what supports your nervous system or experience, this group is a lovely way to find that out and cultivate new tools, rhythms and practices.

The SSP isn't kapow! It's more like gentle waves. We titrate and we integrate.

Sometimes your experience can be intense, and there is space for that. But I also hope to co-cultivate a space where what comes up feels doable, digestible and for the most part be-with-able. This is where lasting change can occur. So how do we ensure the SSP is as gentle as it can be? We meet for 12 weeks, we listen for ten minutes at a time, and there is space to resource, self-soothe, and weave the lessons we're learning into our lives. And there is time for reflecting, processing and digesting our experience. Most people feel like what comes up might be a lot, but also through the SSP their experience of “a lot” can change and when things come up that in the past would have been too much, now it’s less overwhelming.

There are so many ways to be trauma-informed. Important aspects for you (and for me - this is just one blog, after all) might be missing from this list. But I hope this helps you see some of the ways I aspire to hold our group so everyone feels welcomed to show up as they are and has space to feel, grow and transform.

When a coach or healer says they are ethical or trauma-informed, it doesn't always mean they are ethical or trauma-informed. So what now?

When a coach or healer says they are ethical or trauma-informed (and soooo many are saying it right now; have you noticed that, too?), it doesn't always mean they are ethical or trauma-informed. As potential clients and customers, it's important to use our discernment. And herein lies the challenge.

As a survivor of trauma, it might be extra challenging to use discernment. Especially when some coaches and healers are practiced at clouding, manipulating and diverting discernment and critique.

We hear it all the time. Clients or customers bring up a concern or critique, and coaches and healers say:

➞ That’s just your block

➞ Well what does this say about you?

➞ That’s not my problem

➞ Find the lesson in this

And while self-reflection is a valid tool for growth and self-awareness, gaslighting is neither ethical nor trauma-informed. And so many healers and coachers take part in this practice.

What’s more, someone who has been through a traumatic experience might notice:

➞ A struggle expressing and holding firm boundaries

➞ Tendencies toward people pleasing

➞ Hesitance to speak up and say no

➞ The tendency to blame the one thing we can control (ourselves)

And listen, coaches and healers know this. (<--- this is the part that fires me up!!)

The actual trauma-informed coaches and healers aren’t using this information to manipulate and clients and customers.

The actual trauma-informed coaches and healers aren’t using this information to prey on folks who might be more vulnerable to mixed messages, gaslighting and “tough love”.

The actual trauma-informed coaches and healers aren’t responding to critique or feedback with lines meant for clients to internalize the issue so that the practitioner doesn’t have to take any accountability.

But some of them are. That sucks, and I’m so sorry. You deserve better. So much better.

You know I’m a softy, but I also don’t mess around with so much of the bullshit our fields do, and as long as it’s happening, I’ll call it in and out. If you're a coach or a healer (or anyone who works with humans) on this list, you already know your clients deserve better (and they're getting better from you!).

If you want to deepen your skillset to meet clients with a more trauma-informed approach, join us in Foundations. The doors are open and it’s both sweet and a little spicy inside. We'll spend 5 weeks forming a trauma-informed approach that honors the needs of our business, our selves and our clients.

Basically, we'll do the opposite of what this letter describes. We'll explore how trauma might impact clients (it might seem like the ways are countless, but we're going to count them anyway), and we'll make a plan to be as supportive to clients as possible. As the word states, trauma will inform the ways we show up. For real.​

Are you in? Hoping so.

Jess

P.S. Eeek, I generalized. I try not to generalize, because people (coaches, healers, and folks who've been through trauma) are unique individuals, aaaaand sometimes there are patterns. My list about folks who have been through trauma might not resonate 100%. Also, often vigilance and hypervigilance (a.k.a. being on alert) means folks who have been through trauma are on the lookout for bullshit. Also, not all healers or coaches suck, there are some AMAZING folks even here on this list! And, finally, folks in healing and coaching can also be folks who have been through trauma.

Are you leading body scans in a trauma-informed way?

Body scans can be a supportive tool. That said . . . When we lead someone through a body scan, we could be forgetting that there are places in their body that might not feel accessible.

When we lead someone through a body scan without offering grounding resources, we are not offering support for potential activation.

When we lead someone through a body scan without using invitational language and adaptations, we are not honoring their autonomy or needs.

If it is our practice to lead folks through body scans, let's check in with our client around their comfortability with their body and accessing it via somatics and mindfulness.

We might find that focusing on smaller areas better meets the needs of our client. We might find that our client prefers a different modality for checking in. Listen to your client. Consent is key.

Body scans can be a supportive tool at best, and re-traumatizing at worst. We might not have been taught to offer body scans in a trauma-informed way, but it’s never too late to shift our practice.

What’s your experience with body scans, either as a client or practitioner? You’re invited to share below, if you’d like.