Somatic & Emotional Flashbacks

• You can experience flashbacks even without tangible memories, thoughts, or visuals.

• Flashbacks can be emotional, somatic, and visceral.

• If you experience flashbacks without memories, your experience is valid.

• If you experience flashbacks through body sensations and waves of emotion, your experience is valid.

• Your flashbacks are valid.

• Your sensations are valid.

• Your emotions are valid.

• Your experience is valid.

If you have ever opened a book on trauma, or clicked on an IG post, and read about flashbacks - you might have seen a common narrative that equates flashbacks to memories.

And if you have memories of your traumatic experience/s, perhaps this parallel resonated with you.

But if you are one of many people who remember traumatic experiences somatically, if you don’t have all of the "who, what, when, where" puzzle pieces, you might have felt left out or invalidated. You might have wondered: Is the full-body shaking and the tears that landslide while I’m trying to fall asleep not a flashback? Is the terror that freezes me while sharing intimacy (or encountering a certain smell, or being around a certain person) not a flashback? Perhaps deep in your bones you know you are experiencing flashbacks, but it can be tricky to feel validated when your narrative is more nebulous than tangible.

You’re not alone. For many survivors of trauma, emotional and somatic flashbacks and flooding are a common experience, even if they can be hard to talk about.

Though the body can hold what happens to us, the body can also repress traumatic events. And there is wisdom in that. If you don't remember the details, there is wisdom in that. If your memories are somatic and visceral, there is wisdom in that.

It can feel problematic when other folx and practitioners want these details, request them, require them. But not knowing them doesn't make your experience any less valid. It doesn't.

Your sensations are valid. Your emotions are valid. Your flashbacks are valid. Your experience is valid

There is something deep inside of you that knows, and something deep inside of me that believes you.

May We Not Bypass These Times

May we not bypass these times.
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May we not bypass pain with silver linings.
May we not bypass truth with platitudes.
May we not bypass oppression with broad strokes of “unity.”
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May we not bypass these times.
May we live in the very moment we are in.
May we acknowledge what is true (the very corrupt, capitalist, white supremacist truth of it) so that we may, in ourselves and in these systems - transform it.

⋒ For more support in compassionate listening, check out my virtual guide, It’s Not All Good! ⋒

The Intersection of Privilege & Regulation

There is inherent privilege in not needing to be hypervigilant. In co-regulating. In a settled nervous system.

So while yes, practitioners can offer supportive tools for regulating the nervous system... this offering is incomplete without addressing, naming, and transforming systemic oppression.

Shaking is great, and can one shake their way out of oppression? Somatic experiencing is great, and can one voo their way out of anti-Black racism? Bodywork is great, and can one receive their way out of a nervous system that constantly receives threats to its very existence?

May this be at the forefront for all practitioners. May practitioners not only empower folx with tools for nervous system regulation, but work individually and collectively for a world in which less tools are needed.

If This is Resilience, I Want No Part

IF THIS IS RESILIENCE I WANT NO PART //
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Can we stop glamorizing dandelions growing through concrete and glorifying resilience?

Yes, it’s amazing what humans can survive.

And: there should be less to survive.

Dandelions thrive in earth, not concrete. It might seem incredible when dandelions grow through concrete, but imagine how much more incredible it would be if they could grow in an environment meant for them, with the things they need to flourish?

Dandelions aren’t meant to fight their way through hard rock. It takes a lot of precious time and energy to grow through grit. They deserve soil. Warm sunshine. The right amount of water. They deserve tending, careful hands and the gentle hum of wind to spread their seeds.

They deserve all the things we know they need to survive. And so do you. And so does everyone else. Don’t forget it.

Don’t forget that when someone has survived unbearable circumstances, it’s not just a moment to applaud their triumph and resilience - it’s a moment to look at the unbearable and unjust conditions, and work to change them.

May we do it.

May we really, fucking, actually –- do it.

The Bodywork World Needs to Center Itself Around Trauma-Informed Care, or how firing a "chronically emotionally needy" client is NOT a best practice

I read an article in Massage & Bodywork Magazine entitled Emotional Release on the Massage Table. This is in an issue that also featured The Importance of Attuned and Compassionate Touch, so I had high hopes that the bodywork field was highlighting a trauma-informed approach to bodywork. While the article promises best practices for emotional releases that occur during a bodywork session, in actuality it does not offer a trauma-informed, sensitive, or compassionate standard of care.

This piece begins: “Massage therapists sometimes wind up with a client who is chronically emotionally needy.” The article has just begun, and already this sentence is judgmental and loaded. Let’s keep reading.

It goes on: “Other times, a client who is usually pleasant or reserved -and isn’t normally the type to share the details of their personal lives - may appear unusually upset. Perhaps they’ve just received bad news, had a death in the family, are going through a breakup, or lost a beloved pet.”

The author wonders aloud: “What are we to do?” and suggests that “In the case of the chronically needy client, the best thing you can do is release them as a client.” They are missing what I hoped would be an obvious step. When a client exceeds our capacity and scope of practice, instead of firing them as if they are the problem, we might wonder if they need more and/or different supports. While it’s true that we can’t be expected to be the right fit for each client, and while we can’t work outside of our professional scope of practice, we do have the ability to refer clients to other practitioners (whether a trauma-informed bodyworker or a therapist) that can better meet their needs.

There is one exception in the recommended knee-jerk reaction to fire a client prone to emotional releases. When it comes to a “usually pleasant or reserved” client, the author muses that they might be going through something traumatizing, such as a death, a breakup, or loss of a pet.

Why do they not extend this same kind curiosity to the “emotionally needy” client? It feels clear to me that if someone appears to be “chronically emotionally needy” - they have a lot of emotional needs, and the emotional needs are there for a reason and need attending to. (Hint: the reason might be Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.) Wouldn’t it make sense to wonder what THEY have been through? Instead, as happens all too frequently in healing arts and medical fields, folks in distress due to trauma are further distressed by an approach that is the opposite of trauma-informed, the judgments and narrow-mindedness adding insult to injury.

I wish our bodywork field would better equip practitioners with skills for working with clients who have experienced trauma. I have seen this short-sighted approach all too often in trainings, and in bodywork school, where we were told “not to let emotional releases happen” because they are out of the scope of practice. The fact is that some clients will have an emotional release on the table, and before we can have the conversation about making a possible referral, there is a human who needs our care and sensitivity in that moment.

I fear for massage therapists who read this article, and, rather than glean best practices for when emotional releases occur, ascertain that the approach depends on whether the client is “usually pleasant or reserved” or “chronically emotionally needy”.

For clients whose emotional releases on the table are considered “out-of-the-ordinary” - the article notes, ”you don’t need to do anything except be present and compassionate.” This is in stark contrast to the “emotionally needy” client, who they recommend firing. Where, may I ask, is the compassion for someone coming to us in turmoil and emotional distress? Why is the best practice of “just be kind and caring and provide a safe space for [the usually pleasant clients]” not also a best practice for all clients, including the “chronically needy”?

I also fear for clients who, like myself, often experience emotional release during massage sessions due to a history of Complex Trauma. While it’s unreasonable for massage therapists to be expected to be therapists, our standard of care should absolutely be trauma-informed and we should relate to folks experiencing pain (physical or emotional) with respect, professionalism, and sensitivity. Even if the best possible outcome is to no longer work with this client, it’s possible to treat clients with dignity, respect, and compassion. Even as we refer them to another provider because what they need is out of our scope of practice.

No matter a client’s history, demeanor, or likeliness to cry during a session: quality care is what we all deserve. I wish the world of bodywork would catch up. And it stands to reason: clients are waiting, too.

Touch is a Relationship

it’s not nothing, to receive bodywork. especially from new hands and a new practitioner. especially if we have a history that includes harm and violation via touch. especially if our nervous system is keyed up, our muscles guarded.
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for some people, this isn’t a big deal. it’s no thing, to be massaged by someone, anyone. but for a lot of us, it’s the biggest dang deal. because our body and our skin and our nervous system remember things that have happened to us before. we bring those experiences with us into the session, onto the table, on our skin and under the sheets.
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often i remind first-time clients that we’re in a new relationship. trust doesn’t need to come right away. clients can decide how much touch (if any - somatic work can happen without touch, and same goes for energetics), what kind of touch, what pressure, all of that. clients might want to remain clothed, or keep more clothing on. this is all okay. accepted. allowed.
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often for the first massage we don’t do super deep work. it’s more of a hello. here i am, a therapist who is engaging in a relationship and negotiation with you around touch. i am gentle. i am always gentle (though potent) but especially gentle for the first session.
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touch is a relationship and there can be a lot to navigate within that therapeutic relationship. a lot is happening. more than touch is happening, because our physical contact touches deeper layers and because an alchemy exists between the client and practitioner. because, ideally the client and the bodyworker are co-regulating, a safe hum of the nervous systems syncing and connecting. and a safe container needs to be built to hold this hum.
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If touch is a lot for you, i see you. i am you. and in my role as a somatic practitioner and trauma-informed bodyworker, i honor the hell out of that.