LEAVING IS NOT ALWAYS THE SAFEST OPTION + WHY WE STAY
Fleeing a dangerous situation is not the only way to safely survive it. Or, why we shouldn't ask: "why didn't you just leave?"
When people ask "why didn't you leave sooner?" or "why did you stay?" they often want to make sense of an awful situation.
But these questions are not that supportive. And when we learn about the nervous system, we discover:
What do doorways have to do with trauma recovery?
One key component of a traumatic experience is that we are often stripped of choice. We don’t choose traumatic events, they are things that happen to us. And we often don’t get to make many choices throughout the experience. Of course our nervous system is always making the best choice that it can for our survival and well-being, but more often that not, those are limited too.
So what does this have to do with doorways and trauma recovery?
A collective pandemic traumaversary
Can you feel it?
We are hovering.
Near the one year mark of this pandemic.
Do you remember the eeriness of last year?
I remember it felt like if I looked up, it would be grey skies and crows circling.
Sometimes the things that happened to us are unspeakable but often our body knows the words
Sometimes the things that happened to us are unspeakable but often our body knows the words, holds the experience, makes muscle memory of the truth. Somatic knowing and memories are valid, even without the traditional narrative that so many expect.
In a world that doesn’t make space for survivors’ stories and truth, the body can be testament. The body can be holy ground of hot knowing and surefire knowledge.
Bodybased practices can be challenging for survivors
If you are on a journey of healing from traumatic experiences, it’s possible you are often coached, advised and encouraged to get in touch with your body, connect with your senses, and get embodied.
And while the practice of connecting with our bodies can absolutely be helpful for survivors, it can also feel daunting. Unsafe. Overwhelming.
I want to connect with you about this journey of reconnecting with our bodies, and why it might feel difficult. I hope these words feel supportive and helpful.
What is a Traumaversary?
If you have ever experienced strange (or deeply familiar) bodily sensations, flashbacks, returns to old coping strategies, and waves of grief and sadness (among many other possibilities) before the anniversary of a traumatic event rolled around - you might have experienced a natural response to a traumaversary.