LEAVING IS NOT ALWAYS THE SAFEST OPTION + WHY WE STAY
Fleeing a dangerous situation is not the only way to safely survive it. Or, why we shouldn't ask: "why didn't you just leave?"
When people ask "why didn't you leave sooner?" or "why did you stay?" they often want to make sense of an awful situation.
But these questions are not that supportive. And when we learn about the nervous system, we discover:
Corrective experiences can bring up so much grief
If you receive the very thing you’ve always needed, the very thing you didn’t get that is inextricably linked to a traumatic experience, and this corrective experience brings you to your knees, you are not alone.
It is brave to stay in my body, it is wise sometimes to leave it
If you are someone who struggles to stay in your body.
If you are someone who has leaned into dissociation as a survival strategy.
If you are someone who struggles to connect with the sensations and language of your body.
If you are someone who encounters deep pain when you touch into your bodyscape so it’s like: okay, why the heck would I even go there?
If you are someone who has been should on to stay with your body as if it’s easy.
If you are someone who has been admonished and shamed for shutting down, numbing out or disconnecting from parts of your body.
This love note is for you.
Sometimes the things that happened to us are unspeakable but often our body knows the words
Sometimes the things that happened to us are unspeakable but often our body knows the words, holds the experience, makes muscle memory of the truth. Somatic knowing and memories are valid, even without the traditional narrative that so many expect.
In a world that doesn’t make space for survivors’ stories and truth, the body can be testament. The body can be holy ground of hot knowing and surefire knowledge.
It is not trauma informed to tell survivors to “stop playing the victim”
I understand why we say the things we do. And still, I’m going to call us in about it. Here’s one:
It is not trauma informed to tell survivors to “stop playing the victim”.
⋒ Stop playing the victim
⋒ Drop the victim card
⋒ Stop victimizing yourself
How many of us have heard this?
How many of us have said this?
We might say this because …